My fellow catericans!! I have finally decided to throw my hat into the ring for presidency!! It’s time some common cat-sense came to the whitehouse!! It’s time for a cat to be in charge and straighten things out!! Here are my campaign promises and what I will deliver on. You KNOW I’m a better choice than the other candidates!!
1. Catnip for everybody! (Yes even dogs!)
2. Conversion to a NO KILL NATION!! (Obviously they can’t do it so it’s time WE take charge and show them IT CAN BE DONE!!)
3. A FAIR AND SQUARE TAXATION POLICY!! (In other words, CATNIP FOR EVERYBODY!)
4. A MANDATORY LAW FOR AFTERNOON NAPS IN ALL 50 STATES AND PUERTO RICO!!
5. FROM NOW ON, ALL ANIMALS, ESPECIALLY CATS, WILL BE TREATED FAIRLY AND EQUALLY AS WELL RESPECTED MEMBERS OF THE EARTHLING RACE, AND WILL BE COMPENSATED FAIRLY AND JUSTLY FOR ANY SERVICES THEY PROVIDE, WHETHER IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY, OR COURAGEOUSLY SERVING IN TIMES OF WAR!!
6. PURRS FOR EVERYBODY! (AND TUNA OF COURSE…yes even the dogs!)
I am here for you! And I promise I will listen!! And you know that this cat will speak the TRUTH! So Please! Vote for me!! Because a vote for me is not only a vote for all catkind, but dogkind and earthling kind!!!! I need your vote! VOTE for a better future! A gentler, kinder future!
VOTE FOR REAL CHANGE!!
VOTE ELI FOR PRESIDENT!