Simple

 such a beautiful word!  well at least to me it is.  ya see i yearn for things to be simple in my life.  for so long, it’s been crazy.  up and down. backwards, forwards, sideways…… and just plain crazy! 

a few weeks ago i was rushing about trying to get everyone and everything packed and relocated to our alternative housing up the road in the town of Grand Junction, Colorado, only to be waylaid by the news early morning of march 16th, that the foreclosure of the house had been postponed until april 13.  I literally collapsed, and when i mean collapsed, i mean passed out for about 10 hours and then was so tired for about 4 days that i hardly did anything but eat and sleep, and feed the animals as needed.  (that’s what occurs sometimes when u have firbromyalgia and push yourself  ALOT)

prior to this, i had gotten the trailer i purchased moved to the park we would be located in, had also rented another uhaul loaded with all sorts of goodies of ours (still after several auctions and yardsales this last summer i’m still left with 2 uhaul trailers plus of STUFF!  ugh)  and hauled that down to GJ and unloaded it with still more to be moved back at the house.  it’s amazing how much we accumulate over 13 years in one spot, and the amazing thing is, the majority of this was not furniture, but clothes, bedding, personal stuff, and items will great family sentimentality.  (it currently pretty much all occupies the living room sitting in 2 gigantic piles :S) .  let me intercede here that friends helped, and helped greatly thank goodness because if i hadn’t received their help, i would have been more behind and even deeper in packing and moving, etc.

not this one. ours is much bigger

so the trailer sits on our new lot in the park in GJ, not attached to utilities, locked up, and with some of my “stuff” in it.  most noteably and most needed, the majority of my underwear and interview clothes, which i will be fetching tomorrow.  2/3s of our life there, and 1/3 of my life here, either way i still have sorting and packing and moving of some kind to do. 

to complicate matters further, i was interviewed yesterday by the local walmart store and yes i know the endless extensive complicated feelings so many have about the company but i worked there for three years while in school, and was treated really well compared to many other places i have worked.   the store is filled with alot of returned faces from when i worked there as well, so i some ways,  the interview was kind of like a reunion of sorts, and i did enjoy it.  things have changed, most notably the company and how they do things, but the friends i have there, the good vibes, and the commaraderie are all still present.  how easy it would be to go back to work there.  how simple!  ahh yes there’s that word again.  that word i so love and crave to have the center of my life.  returning to work here, would mean i could apply and most likely recieve a loan modifcation on the house; it also means that i could sell the trailer and not only get back some of that cash, but pay back certain friends who have helped me in my time of crisis as well.  the house payment would probably be lowered enuff, that i could find a roommate and their cost of rent, would be enuff to cover the mortgage payment and even some of the utilities.  the minor repairs needed on the house could be done, along with the work needed to fix the water damage caused by the pipe burst during the major freeze we experienced end of january/begin feb of this year.   and some other changes could be made to the hosue to make it more suitable for the fur crew, such as a sliding door directly into the backyard that the dogs could use and part of the porch screened in that the cats could have access to in the summer months.  my how both dogs and kits would love these benefits!!

furthermore, the routine job would allow me to get back to what i really want to focus on; Greta’s Kingdom.  things have gotten so unbelieveably complcated that it’s almost a nightmare at this point, and i guess that’s why i just long for simple.  S-I-M-P-L-E.  it’s gotten so bad that i can literally see the stress of it on the dogs lately.  Kelly is broken out with some kind of rash, Shyler has a short temper with both Kelly and Ave, and Ave is not only hoarding stuff again ( a whole other blog entry needs to be dedicated to that subject!), but has picked up chewing inappropriate chewing matter (such as my favorite badhair day baseball cap), and is more tenacious about trying to “round up” the kitties at times.  altho i would also say, that some of this could probably be attributed to warmer weather and spring fever, altho the last few days have been anything but warm. 

simple and routine makes for a happy furcrew!

returning to the old workplace, would mean being able to set a routine.  a routine that would not only be better for the few crew, but would also allow me to recapture some of my sanity.  and believe me, i could really use some sane-ness right about now.  simple and routine…how lovely!  like water lilies floating on a pond!  peaceful and tranqil.  like….being surrounded by a bed of lavender and the theraputic effects the fragrance has on you:  ahhhhhh!  breath in, breath out.  breathe in, breathe out.  the steady beat of simplicity and routine.  how i love the image!  how much healthier and happier i can envision the furcrew!  how much more able i would be able to return to the goal of Greta’s Kingdom and focusing on that; working towards that!

don’t get me wrong.  i know i haven’t been made the offer to return to walmart yet, but i’m almost 99% positive of it being in my future.  and the house?  yes i realize the papers are far from being signed with respect to a loan modification, but i’m fairly certain of that as well.  and god knows it would mean i would have to move everything back here that i currently have in storage as well as the trailer.  neither of these things bother me; frustrate me nearly as much as the continued job search, applications, interviews, getting my hopes up, living in limbo, half of my stuff here half of it there-and there being a good 60 miles away-total chaos here…blah blah blah blah blah….such an UNBELIEVEABLY COMPLICATED!!  LIMBO!!  aaaagh!!!  with nothing being for certain, and having nothing that i can really rely upon. 

i want simple dammit!!!   SIMPLE!!!  ROUTINE!!!  i want to return to a certain constant of security.  it’s overdue.  (this is getting to the point of being completely unbearable!!!)  it’s desired.  wanted.  needed.  i demand it.  and so i wait.  we wait.  again with the waiting….grrrrr!!!  but this time i think there will finally be an answer, and an answer alot sooner than in the past.  and a certain answer.

so if u see me in walmart dress, stocking a shelf, with a great big grin on my face, don’t be surprised.  don’t accuse me of being a sell out, don’t think that for one second that i haven’t found my center again and haven’t finally been able to return to working on my dream: Greta’s Kingdom; and don’t think for one second that simple can’t be beautiful. 

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